I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
