I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
