Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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