Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
