The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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