I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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