Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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