You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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