oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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