you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
