going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
