Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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