I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
