i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize