I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
