we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
