I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
