My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
