is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
