I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
