i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
