I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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