I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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