I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i have two assholes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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