I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
