That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
