Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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