Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
