I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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