Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
