You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
