A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
