i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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