puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
