I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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