I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
