Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
