Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
