my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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