So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The air was thick with penises
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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