dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
