Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
