I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
