Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize