The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
