her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
