Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
