Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
