Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
