There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
