well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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