theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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