Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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