wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no, he came in my armpit
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
