i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
