I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
