You just made me feel so damn special
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
