Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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