I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
