My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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