I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
