Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
