when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
