I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize