if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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