I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
only you would photoshop your dick
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
