I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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