He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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