I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
