I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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