I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize