My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
