I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize