you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
