My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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