while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
