I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
