I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
