Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
