We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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