Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
