Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
