im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
