You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
