R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
