Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
