we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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