I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
