normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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