Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Buhtt sex?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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