also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The air was thick with penises
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
