My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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