I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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