Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
