we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
