Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
