Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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