Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
