I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize