I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pants are for mortals
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
