no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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