Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize