That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
