is your mom at the bar?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I see more hoeing in ur future
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