are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
