We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
