I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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