What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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