Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
